Thursday Night - Bafana Bafana Won!!!

So hey! It's been a few days. 14 days till the World Cup!

Not much in the way of pics. Other than the major news that a safari lodge found out why their hot tub was drained completely every night.



So my friend Matt took it to the next level and created this:



which? awesome. Pure awesome. So I pose a challenge, should you choose to accept it - photoshop challenge time. Take the first pic and create the best one. The winner wins something from South Africa. Something nice - not like a stupid wooden giraffe or something. I'll think of it. But the prize is yours. Maybe a black baby to adopt. Kidding (slightly).

So I've settled into a routine. Some of you know that one of my personal goals is to lose weight. I've kind of struggled with this over time. Ok, I've been lazy about it. You got me. But seriously, it's time to get back in shape. So I go to work, get there around 8:30. Of course SA works less than the U.S., so I leave work around 4 - 4:30. Then I head to the gym and work out for a while and then I get a takeaway.

Ok, so no pics other than the above for this blog. I figured one blog a week that's text, one that's pictures. That seems fair, doesn't it?

With that said, I've learned quite a few words over here. Definitely their own version of the English language. For instance:

- Agge shame, which means, "What a pity"
- Tummybug, which means, "Sick to your stomach"
- Pleasure, which you say after someone says "Thank you"

and so on. It's 10:45 here, and I can't remember it all. Plus, i'm sure you don't want a huge, huge list. Pleasure.

That's it for now! I've been boring, so I'm out of stories. Remember the photoshop contest. I'm looking forward to the entries. And I'll say this - the better the entry, the better the prize. Post something crappy, and you will get the wooden giraffe.

JoBurg Week 1 - Pictures!!!

Hey everyone! I figured I should start sharing some pictures so you have a good sense of what I'm seeing here. I won't ramble on too much in this post, other to provide some color commentary. So enjoy!!!


Ok so this is outside my hotel room the first week. I stayed at a chain here called the Protea Lodge. Nice and Victorian on the outside and Modernist on the inside. Did I mention there was a horrible connection to the Internet in the previous post, because yeah. Otherwise, if you're coming here for a holiday, check them out. And tell them I sent you. And watch the blank look on their face when you tell them that.


I told you it was in the middle of a theme park! I would get to the hotel around 4:30 in the afternoon, the park still running and the roller coasters zooming over my head as I entered the hotel compound.


No, it's not penguins, but it's peacocks! They had wild peacocks just roaming around the hotel grounds. One morning I was on my way to work and 4 peacocks were just sitting on the benches at a restaurant there, as if they were waiting for someone to take their order.

I think I was scaring this peacock and he was trying to get away from me. Look at the size of that beast!

So this is my new hotel / apartment. I can't figure out what it is. The brochure on the Internet says apartment. But it really seems like more of a motel. I have a kitchenette which is quite lovely, but the outside doesn't look that great. In fact:

This is right next to the apartment. So when I pulled in, I was feeling the sketch vibe. But I've soon come to learn that EVERY place in the city has security (I have 2 guards that rotate every 12 hours) and razor wire or electrical fence. Also, I have 3 keys to get into my room - one for the front door, one for the elevator and one for the room door. It gets to the point where crime seems overrated here what with all of the protections they take.


This is looking down the street from the hotel. There's an Angolan / Portuguese / Mozambican restaurant to the left in this shot. Very peaceful street, even though it looks dumpy.

The other side of the street. There's a great cafe off in the distance that's behind the trees and sign. And the white building to the left has the Pleasuredome. No I haven't been yet. Pervs.

This is Annah, she's the front desk lady who makes sure that I'm having "the most wonderful time. Kick up my feet and relax!"

And this disappearing lady is my maid, Miss Cleo. No, that's not her name, but she scares me a little bit because she's got this stare that she gives me looking like I'm giving her trouble. But she's sweet as all hell and makes a mean breakfast. Oh and she cleans my room.




This is Sandton City, the "premier" mall in the city. I think what makes it premier is that it has a higher volume of recognizable named stores, at least from an American perspective. Regardless all malls have a:

and a

and a

which I think is Afrikaans for Star Cinema. That's a random guess.

One of a million signs letting South Africans know that the World Cup is on it's way. This country, and this will be a future blog, is just way too gung ho on the World Cup and the Bafana Bafana soccer team. For instance:



This is the African restaurant I ate at where I had Crocodile Curry. And pap. Which South Africans love. They also love Nelson Mandela.

This is Nelson Mandela Square and a big statue of Nelson Mandela. With a pigeon on top.


And this is Nelson Mandela Bridge.

And you see those guys on the street corner? It seems like every corner has these guys hawking wares like SA Flags and rear view mirror condoms with the SA flag on them. And then other guys are just homeless and asking for money.

Ok that's it for now! More pictures and thoughts later.

Thursday Night - Protea Hotel in Gold Reef City Theme Park

Greetings! Hello from the Protea Hotel. It is a lovely hotel, full of Victorian charm. And the rooms? Of course they happen to be modern (see link to Protea Hotel and click on rooms). You might be thinking oh wow they've modernized. And they have, except for the fucking Internet. They cannot get that right whatsoever. So I'm tethering for the first time ever to my wonderful Nokia ESeries phone on the MTN network.

I saw wild peacocks today!!! And you might be thinking, "Hey Derrik, where are the pictures?" Well I have the pictures, and yet I forgot the cable that connects the camera to the computer. Yes, I am an idiot. No I couldn't remember everything. I also forgot business cards. Whatever, I'm not too stressed. This weekend I will get a card reader, and then you fine reader, will rue the day you asked that question! Muah hah hah.

Speaking of evil laugh, did you check this out yet? Deserves it, the douche. Seriously, that you can be so disrespectful of privacy is ridiculous. Of course, maybe I'm the idiot for posting the blogs and putting them on Facebook.

I hope you like the links this time. I figured I should do something snazzy.

OMG if I have to see one more insurance commercial asking you to text to obtain policy, well then I'm going to scream. Actually the television I've figured out is 10 channels. Here they are (I know you didn't ask, but tough)

- 1. SABC 1 - consists of kids programs, news and really awful music videos.
- 2. SABC 2 - Zulu news, Zulu Soap Operas, Afrikaans News, and other assorted shit
- 3. SABC 3 - my favorite channel so far - consisting of American shows, albeit 5 - 24 months old. Also? Afrikaans Soap Operas. Holy hell those are awful, even with the English subtitles.
- 4. Some random crap on Channel 4. Haven't paid too much attention to it.
- 5. Channel M - More American stuff, my second favorite channel. But Justin Beiber is on. Ack!
- 6. MM1 - Awful American movies. For instance right now, "Elegy" is on. Wait that got a decent review. Hmmmm.
- 7. MM2 - More American movies, less awful. "Primal Fear" is on right now. Hey, it's hope.
- 8. CNN International. Which isn't bad and the woman that's on right now is saucy.
- 9. S2 - Sports! But it's Cricket 20/20. I can't understand this game at all. Hit the ball, it can go anywhere and then you run back and forth. Wheeeeee!!!!!!! South Africa is winning 96-5. Is that possible??!
- 10. S3 (I don't know what happened to S1) - Soccer. No, not just sports, it's every damn soccer game imaginable. Which? Now I understand why it's the World's game. I was watching Austria-Serbia last night and the crowd started throwing flares into the stands and onto the field. And the goalkeeper removed them. Can you imagine if that happened in the States?

Well, dear reader, I could go on and on. Like how I'm learning Afrikaans one word at a time (Goeiemorie - Gooey More-eh which means good morning). I think I'll start that with you next time. See how that goes. I could also talk about how I went to the casino tonight and won R1000 and then lost it, so I wound up evil. Or the fact that Vanilla Ice is doing commercials here for Castle Ice Beer. Or the fact that everything is backwards here. For instance, instead of pulling on a door to enter a room, you push on it. I've felt like a dumbass so many times already. Also? people pass on the left in a hallway. Just like driving on the road.

But more later! As always feedback and questions are welcome.

Greetings from Jo'burg!

Hey there, it's my first post from South Africa!! I'm alive and going through the day. Wow, part of me can't believe it's 1PM here and part of me can't beleive it's only! 1PM. The jet lag? Finally kicking in strong right now. I could use a nap.

The people in the Nielsen office are friendly and charming. I'm enjoying talking to them, even if I am an ass asking them to repeat themselves a few times. They're going through their Values training this week. You know - "Open. Simple. Integrated." Yeah, yeah we all know that stuff. I'm surprised they're going through it only now. Seems different working in a CR/BASES office. I'm now referred to as the "Telecom specialist".

They have a cafeteria here that they call a canteen. So cute! And half of them walk around and speak Afrikaans. So cute! I should have picked up the Rosetta Stone thing-a-ma-bopper before coming over.

I still have no phone right now; hopefully, that is being worked on. I do have Skype, but I don't know my number. SenecaOak is my name on Skype in case you want to connect.

I did get my car - a lovely Chevy Aveo! Oooohhh. Now you know me and I like cars. A Chevy Aveo is like lowest of the lows. Well it's not a Kia.

Anyway, I have zero access to gmail and facebook right now. Apparently Nielsen SA has banned the IP addresses. Furthermore, I have no access to much of the Internet at the hotel, so I can't keep up too much. Comment on here (which I can see) or write to me at my work address (you know it).

More later!

ATL Airport Update

So yeah. The first leg was uneventful. Last night, I slept a whopping three hours. I tried to sleep on the first flight, but a combination of too much "Tabitha's Salon Takeover" (That Tabitha, she's one saucy bitch) and the guy next to me insisting that he sleep with the window open (who does that? Apparently that guy).

This part might sound really lame and dumb, but I'm officially nervous about this trip! I haven't had the nerves hit me yet, but as I passed by the gate not too long ago, it finally hit me. Holy crap - this is going to be weird. Kind of like when I moved to San Francisco 7 years ago and not knowing anyone out here. I now see why most people tend to stick near home all their lives. That or make a move like this just once.

I'll have to take a couple of pictures of my little micro-suite on board the plane. I know, I'm a dork. And I'm hoping that everything is squared away in South Africa. As of this morning, I had a place to stay temporarily for a few days until the housing was finalized. (Seriously, SA? WTF with the housing not finalized.)

Talk to you on the other side of the pond!!

T-Minus Just a Few Hours and counting. . .

Before we get started a couple of administrative items:

1. Yay, more comments! Keep them coming. I feed off them like a leach, but perhaps not as disgusting.
2. Matt: Saloon is what they call a sedan in non-American countries. Watch Top Gear sometimes. Jeremy Clarkson calls is a saloon all the time. Frankly, I like some Brit words more than American. Except for a bobby - WTF is that?
3. Dude (generic dude): the Metro PCS commercials are the most annoying and racist commercials I've ever seen. DO THE NEEDFUL!!!

So I'm exhausted. I'm nervous, anxious, excited, relaxed, relieved, and most of all exhausted. The range of emotions I have gone through lately have been a bit overwhelming. I figured I'll be able to sleep on the plane tomorrow. I promise, PROMISE, to write more over the next few months. But enjoy it with me and I will post pictures, quotes, funny lines, words I've never heard of, whatever. It will be a blast!


Oh! I promised pictures from my trip from Texas last week. I've got a couple for you. The majority of them turned out pretty dark (it was cloudy and for some reason, my dad (bless him) wanted to make it even darker, so we were perched under a tent he set up. Then we set up chairs and everyone (except for me because I was used to it) was cold because it was a frigid 80 degrees. Sumpa. Sumpa. Anyway, from my brother-in-law. Why he isn't schlepping his services to Hollywood is beyond me, because he's really damn good at this:



No the last picture isn't of them singing the Star Spangled Banner - we're singing "Take me Out to the Ballgame". Go figure. But we sang that a few times. Quick quiz, who has more hair, Tucker or Owen?!? Kidding, Bekah, he doesn't need a haircut at all! (Smile. Denise McWhorter) (Also, does this help that I'm calling out people on the blog? That's right, each of you will be called out one time or another. Smile.)

Hey! Here's another pic:



So that's also dark. That's my sister and I. You can tell three things: A. Bekah got the looks in the family. B. Her son does not have her hair. C. His hair is longer than hers. Again, kidding. Seriously, grow it out! (Smile. Denise McWhorter.)

So in case you're interested here's my schedule for tomorrow:

Delta Flight 180 - San Francisco to Atlanta. Depart: 8:15AM. land 3:52PM (EST).
Delta Flight 200 - Atlanta to Johannesburg. Depart: 7:45PM (EST). Land 5:05 (JST?, sure why the hell not). That means 10:05 Central and 8:05 Pacific.

Woo! Come fly with me, come sail away. I'll try to say hey on the plane. HEY!

T-Minus 1 Week and Stuck in ATL.

Well, it's been a week since I wrote last. I promise, to you, my dear and faithful reader, that I will not bore you with every nuance of my South African Life. You will not read, "Oh tither me, I took the M3 to work today because the N1 had a major traffic snarl with a saloon and a lorry." That's me practicing my South African dialect. You like?

I will keep you up-to-date as often as possible checking in with you and saying hello. HELLO! Please feel free to leave comments - as always I can improve on the page and it's quite humbling only to have my dad as the only ones leaving comments (although, Dad, they are much appreciated, but still you think someone else would have something to say).

Anyway, I just finished a fabulous time with the parents. More pics to come later of that escapade! Now I'm on my way to New York one final time for Verizon. I'm a little delirious because I've been up since 4:30 this morning. Wheeeeeeeee! Well New York / New Jersey should be fun because it will be fairly relaxing. And it will be nice to wish some of the folks at Verizon good luck. Call me biased, but I still think they are the #1 wireless company. Followed by Pocket of course. Hahaha, I kid, mainly because Pocket will never be relevant.

So consider this Part 1 of this post. Part 2 will come when I am more prepared.

It's My First Post! T-Minus 2-Weeks to Jo-burg.

I've always wanted to say "T-Minus" something. Maybe it was my secret desire to be an astronaut. Because seriously, what was cooler growing up than going up in the space shuttle? And wearing that outfit. Those bubble helmets!

But welcome to my blog! It's all about my trip to South Africa, which I have told people, "Hmm, I really should create a blog." And typically people will reply, "Hmm, yes you should." But I know what they are really thinking, "Yes, now fuck off and quit bothering me about your upcoming trip. And yes I'm secretly jealous." Ok that last sentence was something I made up in my mind.

So, if you are reading this, then that means that:
a. You are a family member. Hi family members!
b. You are really bored/angry/needing a break from working at Nielsen. Hi disgruntled co-workers!
c. You just are a friend who wants to keep up. Hi friends!
d. You are stalking me. Which? Weird.

This is my first time out of North America. So, of course, I don't play it safe and choose something traditional. No, it's off to South Africa. Clear on the other side of the world. You know they all walk upside-down. Heh-heh. Bad joke.

I've been wanting to do an International excursion for a while. Then this came up. I mentioned it to my boss in passing, sort of as a "What if" and then moving from there. What was once a fleeting thought became a possibility then a probability then a definite then a "I hope I get to ride an elephant while I'm there". Seriously, can I get hooked up with that adventure?

So I'll be telling you about my thoughts, my life, my excursions while I'm there. Most of it might be "What the hell is this word?" because there are apparently a lot of cross-culture Afrikaans (my new favorite word) / English / Zulu words. Take a look at a map of South Africa. Look closely at the names of the major cities. Outside of Jo-burg, Cape Town, Pt. Elizabeth and Durban, can you pronounce 5 of the city names without having to think about it at least for 5-10 seconds? I think not. The first prize goes to whoever can tell me how to pronounce Bloemfontein or Potchefstroom. (PS, don't you think someone could have contributed a better picture of Bloemfontein to Wikipedia other than a comet? WTF? That also brings up another topic, which is the lack of quality pictures in Wikipedia, but I digress and perhaps is another topic when we're all bored one night.)

So ground rules. Does every blog start with this (Gah, I feel like that movie Julie and Julia. Why couldn't they have just done with just Julia and not Julie. And is Meryl Streep the same character in every movie now? Remind me to do my Meryl Streep impression in person sometime for you whenever you're bored/lonely/drunk)? Probably, but I think it's necessary:

1. Let's not talk about, "Oh my how safe is Johannesburg?" Look, there's crime. Big fucking deal. There's crime in North Richmond. Did you read that link? Read it! Don't just gaze over. They have a whole section talking about hookers and crack in the Wikipedia post! It's like Whitney Houston's vacation getaway. And here's a link on how far it is from my house. So frankly? Not to worried.
2. I'm going to curse. I've already cursed twice. Family members that don't hear it often? Sorry, I curse. I'll try to limit it, but just expect it. Just ask my coworkers or friends. It happens.
3. Every animal or item or culture indigenous to South Africa, there's going to be pictures. I'm sure this has been well documented in other blogs, stories, books, etc. You know what? This is my first time. And yes, I plan on seeing penguins and I hope to share them with you. And perhaps that blog entry is just going to be titled "PENGUINS OMFG!!!!!~~~~!@@!" with a bunch of pictures? In fact, book it - it's happening.
4. I tend to ramble. Whoops.
5. I take suggestions. Yes indeed! Comments are most welcome. Until the hate mail comes in.
6. Yes, I'm going to the World Cup. Yes, I have a ticket already. Yes, you're jealous. Yes, I can brag and gloat. Yes, you can tell me to shove it. Yes, I can retort right back to you to suck it.
7. I like using nicknames like Jo-burg. So I'll probably reference the real name once then start calling it by the nickname from then on out. Keep up.
8. Of course I will miss Max. Terribly miss Max. Really now, what kind of stupid question is that?
9. I like lists. Come to expect them, to love them. You secretly like lists, yes I know you do.
10. I think that's enough ground rules. Frankly, no more set structure. Let's just go balls to the wall (I think I was immunized for that).

So far I have done the following:
- Immunizations for Flu, Swine Flu (still popular amongst the Afrikaaners right now), Typhoid, and Polio.
- Changed bank accounts to have the 3% international usage fee waived.
- Bought enough suitcases to pack away the dead bodies when I'm done. I'm sorry, what was that I said?
- Have worked constantly with Kristy Keate on getting this whole thing done and organized. Surprise, surprise, Nielsen (RON as we like to call it) isn't the most organized company about ex-pats (would you expect anything less?). Kristy ,our HR manager, has been awesome about helping out with this whole ordeal. Seriously, major shout out to her for dealing with my constant questions. Do you know I asked her to find out if they have a dress code? That's right, I did.
- Annoyed the shit out of everyone by telling them I was heading there. Seriously, I told the Starbucks lady today I was heading there while she was pouring my coffee. WTF is wrong with me?

So enjoy this experience with me. I'll try to keep you entertained as much as I can. We'll see - some posts my be just flat out boring. Trust me. However, I just re-read this post. It was fairly entertaining. I'd give myself 4 out of 5 stars. Not too shabby for an opener. Most posts won't be this long. Most will be pictures of penguins ("OMFG PENGUINS!!!!!~~~~!@@!" I'm telling you, nay, I'm promising you it's happening at some point. You think I'm joking, just you wait.)