It's My First Post! T-Minus 2-Weeks to Jo-burg.

I've always wanted to say "T-Minus" something. Maybe it was my secret desire to be an astronaut. Because seriously, what was cooler growing up than going up in the space shuttle? And wearing that outfit. Those bubble helmets!

But welcome to my blog! It's all about my trip to South Africa, which I have told people, "Hmm, I really should create a blog." And typically people will reply, "Hmm, yes you should." But I know what they are really thinking, "Yes, now fuck off and quit bothering me about your upcoming trip. And yes I'm secretly jealous." Ok that last sentence was something I made up in my mind.

So, if you are reading this, then that means that:
a. You are a family member. Hi family members!
b. You are really bored/angry/needing a break from working at Nielsen. Hi disgruntled co-workers!
c. You just are a friend who wants to keep up. Hi friends!
d. You are stalking me. Which? Weird.

This is my first time out of North America. So, of course, I don't play it safe and choose something traditional. No, it's off to South Africa. Clear on the other side of the world. You know they all walk upside-down. Heh-heh. Bad joke.

I've been wanting to do an International excursion for a while. Then this came up. I mentioned it to my boss in passing, sort of as a "What if" and then moving from there. What was once a fleeting thought became a possibility then a probability then a definite then a "I hope I get to ride an elephant while I'm there". Seriously, can I get hooked up with that adventure?

So I'll be telling you about my thoughts, my life, my excursions while I'm there. Most of it might be "What the hell is this word?" because there are apparently a lot of cross-culture Afrikaans (my new favorite word) / English / Zulu words. Take a look at a map of South Africa. Look closely at the names of the major cities. Outside of Jo-burg, Cape Town, Pt. Elizabeth and Durban, can you pronounce 5 of the city names without having to think about it at least for 5-10 seconds? I think not. The first prize goes to whoever can tell me how to pronounce Bloemfontein or Potchefstroom. (PS, don't you think someone could have contributed a better picture of Bloemfontein to Wikipedia other than a comet? WTF? That also brings up another topic, which is the lack of quality pictures in Wikipedia, but I digress and perhaps is another topic when we're all bored one night.)

So ground rules. Does every blog start with this (Gah, I feel like that movie Julie and Julia. Why couldn't they have just done with just Julia and not Julie. And is Meryl Streep the same character in every movie now? Remind me to do my Meryl Streep impression in person sometime for you whenever you're bored/lonely/drunk)? Probably, but I think it's necessary:

1. Let's not talk about, "Oh my how safe is Johannesburg?" Look, there's crime. Big fucking deal. There's crime in North Richmond. Did you read that link? Read it! Don't just gaze over. They have a whole section talking about hookers and crack in the Wikipedia post! It's like Whitney Houston's vacation getaway. And here's a link on how far it is from my house. So frankly? Not to worried.
2. I'm going to curse. I've already cursed twice. Family members that don't hear it often? Sorry, I curse. I'll try to limit it, but just expect it. Just ask my coworkers or friends. It happens.
3. Every animal or item or culture indigenous to South Africa, there's going to be pictures. I'm sure this has been well documented in other blogs, stories, books, etc. You know what? This is my first time. And yes, I plan on seeing penguins and I hope to share them with you. And perhaps that blog entry is just going to be titled "PENGUINS OMFG!!!!!~~~~!@@!" with a bunch of pictures? In fact, book it - it's happening.
4. I tend to ramble. Whoops.
5. I take suggestions. Yes indeed! Comments are most welcome. Until the hate mail comes in.
6. Yes, I'm going to the World Cup. Yes, I have a ticket already. Yes, you're jealous. Yes, I can brag and gloat. Yes, you can tell me to shove it. Yes, I can retort right back to you to suck it.
7. I like using nicknames like Jo-burg. So I'll probably reference the real name once then start calling it by the nickname from then on out. Keep up.
8. Of course I will miss Max. Terribly miss Max. Really now, what kind of stupid question is that?
9. I like lists. Come to expect them, to love them. You secretly like lists, yes I know you do.
10. I think that's enough ground rules. Frankly, no more set structure. Let's just go balls to the wall (I think I was immunized for that).

So far I have done the following:
- Immunizations for Flu, Swine Flu (still popular amongst the Afrikaaners right now), Typhoid, and Polio.
- Changed bank accounts to have the 3% international usage fee waived.
- Bought enough suitcases to pack away the dead bodies when I'm done. I'm sorry, what was that I said?
- Have worked constantly with Kristy Keate on getting this whole thing done and organized. Surprise, surprise, Nielsen (RON as we like to call it) isn't the most organized company about ex-pats (would you expect anything less?). Kristy ,our HR manager, has been awesome about helping out with this whole ordeal. Seriously, major shout out to her for dealing with my constant questions. Do you know I asked her to find out if they have a dress code? That's right, I did.
- Annoyed the shit out of everyone by telling them I was heading there. Seriously, I told the Starbucks lady today I was heading there while she was pouring my coffee. WTF is wrong with me?

So enjoy this experience with me. I'll try to keep you entertained as much as I can. We'll see - some posts my be just flat out boring. Trust me. However, I just re-read this post. It was fairly entertaining. I'd give myself 4 out of 5 stars. Not too shabby for an opener. Most posts won't be this long. Most will be pictures of penguins ("OMFG PENGUINS!!!!!~~~~!@@!" I'm telling you, nay, I'm promising you it's happening at some point. You think I'm joking, just you wait.)